Joke of the day

[M1LO]

My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients,

it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.

[M1LO]

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.

He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'.

[Welshy]

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

[Angi]

A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants, and says, "Meet my little brother." The girlfriend picks up her purse on the way out and says, "Call me when he grows up."

p.s:

I think this joke is funny, i`ll explain too. I got flashed in rl once , nite time too. The guy was like a 2 meter guy! And he opend his coat , and thought he scared me. I looked at his face, looked down, looked back into his face and asked, if that was all he had to offer!!!!! Never saw the dude in my neighborhood again! 

[Welshy]

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

[Welshy]

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said,
'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said,
'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied,
'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied:
"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[Angi]

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

"I have an interesting case here," he says. "A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant.

"No, not yet. The floor's still wet."

[Welshy]

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

[Welshy]

Helvetica, Arial and Times New Roman walk in to a bar.

The barman takes one look at them and shouts.

"Get out"

"We don't serve your type"

[Angi]

Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?

Because they just finished a long 31-day March.

[Welshy]

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says: 'sorry we don't serve food here'

[Welshy]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

[Welshy]

This is good

[M1LO]

"A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.

'Can you describe the symptoms to me?'

'Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy b*****d and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair!'"

"One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally, I think its bollocks."

[Tena]

Two go and the middle one falls