Joke Time! Lets Lighten Things Up!

[ill4death]

Why was the snowman happy?
Because the snow blower was coming down the street!



A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blond joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five
things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is a blond and a professional weight-lifter
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad!
Yo mama so fat she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.


*edit*  Probably too much drama on that subject lately, including by me(Rand).

[crosby]

Call a woman beautiful and she will never remember it.
Call a woman fat once and she will never forget it because Elephants never forget.

[Juliet]

Call a woman beautiful and she will never remember it.
Call a woman fat once and she will never forget it because Elephants never forget.

RUde, kresby.

[crosby]

(:

[Butterbean]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

[Master]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

Heh, I actually liked all of these.

[SpamDaddy!]

What did a red neck say when he lost his virginity?
Thanks, mom.


Q:What do cops hate the most about hillbilly murder cases?
A: No dental records and ALLLLL the DNA matches!!


Q:Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A:That way they can both watch wrestling.


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

[Master]

Now I really want a slinky.. or to push someone down some stairs. MingLee

[Butterbean]

Everyone loves a Slinky,
You gotta get a Slinky
Slinky, Slinky
GO SLINKY GO!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltwxC19s5u8

[Paz]

LOL!!!!!